June 6th, 2011.
A group of 8-9 people are seen bowing down in front of the bust of Mr.M S Ramaiah, placed at the entrance of MSRIT.  Last day of college, done and dusted with project presentation..they head out of college with heads held high …dreamy eyes…a few going abroad, a few going back to their hometowns; a fresh beginning..an end to all that was unpleasant..tonnes of pleasant memories to carry forward. Well, that was it. 

July 4th, 2012.
The day has come. The dream to be independent finally being fulfilled.  New environment, new people..new  things to do. Smart casuals they told, ended up going in a blue kurta. A couple of familiar face, twenty-five other new ones…a silent bay on the 2nd floor…making the environ all the more serious. Lots to learn. Starting off with company policies :P 

July 3rd, 2012.
A year into work...one amongst those 9 is pleasantly surprised to be home before 9. An achievement of sorts, to see the smile on mother’s face. What have I gained in this one year? A teeny weeny bit of knowledge, of work and the technology; a few friends, a  li’l bit of confidence in the self,  adipose deposition around the waistline, a few lessons for life-both professional and personal; the only difference between them being that professional lessons were taught for the first time…and the other kind..don’t seem to get into the system no matter how many times its taught! 

What have I lost? The list seems quite long. Sleep, to start off with...Nightmares about the bug that is pending resolution; about random people in random situations. And when dear sleep is just about to set in,  off goes the alarm. A lethargic body and a sleepy head, goes about the morning chores before boarding the bus at 9.  Sees home not before 9 in the night
Peace of mind- well that was not there earlier as well ;)
Happiness- From being a person who found happiness in the tiniest of things, the heart now searches for reasons to be happy. Still, the neighbour’s maid’s kids , whom I once taught to, have that ability to bring upon a smile on the face. So does the other kid down the road..a specially abled child! The word happiness seems elusive now, or am probably saying this coz it’s a weekday :P

I’m afraid..lost ..confused..distressed..depressed…there’s a lot of chaos in the mind. The mother waits anxiously till the clock strikes 8.30..I feel the need to give her more time…Alas! The bug fix at office seems more needy than mother when it comes to time. The aunt says, now its your turn to get married. I make sure I leave the room without uttering a single word. The friend says, what are you planning for higher studies…I manage to put him off, but not for long I know. Decisions have to be made, for everyone’s good…said a wise person whom I know. Now I stand at a place to make decisions for my own good.  Not a very good place to be in. 

Reminded of the days in school, when we had something called “Introspection” at the end of the day, when we had to recall how good we have been on that day. Feel the need to have that Introspection period everyday now, just to reflect upon, how good I’ve been (if at all good) , how bad I’ve been, how much I learnt, whats it that I want to be?

Comments

Ranjita said…
Hmm.. I see a lot of introspection going on.. Sometimes its just better not to question the ways of life! Coz its meant to be that way even though u wud luv to change it. :) Having a loving mom to go back home to must make you feel far from depressed. Other than that the future??!! That's meant to be a mystery.. :) Enjoy life coz even u know everyday is not going to be the same. Monotony is ephemeral! :) Change is the way of life.. :)
July 3, 2012 at 9:42 PM
Sahana said…
Agreed madame :) Sometimes its better not to know a few answers! But there's no escape route from the questions either..bound to face them someday or the other..
July 3, 2012 at 10:24 PM
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